Cutting Ties

I'd rather have an enemy who says that they hate me, than to keep a "FRIEND" whose mission is to put me down secretly.

Recently I have to overcome one of the biggest pains in my life- letting go of people. But how do you erase people who become part and parcel of your soul?

It’s funny how some people were not meant to stay in your life.  Some are just passersby, some just mere guests who were either meant to teach us a lesson or to rip our hearts out.

Recently I have pondered on one thought regarding a “supposed” friend. In fact she is my neighbor whom I have considered as my sister. Or so I thought.

The rumors started knocking on my door as early as January this year. “Virgz, --- said this and that about you, are you sure she is really your friend?” At first I dismissed it and thought that these people are just trying to break our friendship. Turns out I was the one who is mistaken.

Come February I received a phone call from my mother.

Mother:  ‘Gin, I have something to tell you. But try to restrain yourself okay?”

Me: “Why mom, what is wrong?”

Mother: “Are you sure --- is your friend?”

Me: “Yes Mom, why did you ask?”

Mother: “I was not supposed to tell you, but I cannot help myself. You have the right to know. --- made a nasty phone call to ------ in Russia and told him that you were….(nasty details that I would rather not elaborate in here)”

Me: “Are you sure Mom?!”

Mother: “Yes. You can ask your sister about it.”

I was just heartbroken. I cannot believe that she would say those things about me! Her, whom I treated like family, Why??? So for weeks I did not go outside of the house. I did not even go to her house. I avoided her for some time as I tried to decipher what was happening between us.  I recalled every conversation that we had.

I bought my house here three years ago. For three years she was my family. But I also noticed that in three years my reputation here also deteriorated. I was so clueless as to who could be spreading such lies like I am a negligent mother, I had bf’s and other nasty stuff. In short, I was labeled as a ‘slut’ and did not even know it! It’s like the modernized version of Scarlet letter, only that the letter “A” was stamped on my forehead. For years I was walking in this subdivision without a freaking head!!!

Another confirmation was the fact that her sister told me some stuff she said behind my back before she went back to General Santos. I mean, if your sister would rat out on you and leave you, it certainly does not say much about your character right? How could I doubt her sister's words when these words were so detailed and explicit?

Then I decided to distance myself from her. Working for EPH was a perfect excuse. Anyway, I earned while I just stayed at home. No more going to the neighbors, no more hearing rumors about other people. Then the unthinkable happens: they conspire with my maid to make me look bad! (But I did not find out until days before my operation to correct a life-altering condition)

Then I became closer to a male neighbor who used to court my sister. Tongues began wagging again. Lie after lie, and I was so clueless about it. They kind of indicated that me and this guy have a clandestine relationship. So, the rumors became larger, snow-balled into something rather confusing and disgusting.

I really feel that I owe this guy an apology. He was the one who helped me get through my heart condition. He was the one who looked after me at the hospital, went with me to confirm my condition, he was the one who assisted me during the rough times. Yet, he gets entangled in a nasty rumor involving me. He did not deserve such treatment. But I really thank Norman for standing by me and tirelessly “dodging the bullets” for my sake.

And what does the other one do? Knit a web of intrigues about us. She even told our neighbors “That is what she gets for fooling around. She deserves to get sick. Now she won’t be able to enjoy sex”

Wow. Why didn’t you just stab my chest with a fucking stake and let me bleed to death?

I can hate Lyn (our former housemaid) for spreading rumors about me, but I also thank her for becoming the instrument for revealing who the backstabber in my life really is. To think I keep blaming Japayuki for it when she did nothing but warn me!

So slowly but surely I started to fade away from them, and began getting closer to Norman. I did not invite them to my daughter’s party. I did not invite them in a lot of things.

Assumptions are the termites of relationships.  ~Henry Winkler

Then I was scheduled for my operation. Days prior to that “backstabbing bitch” and the “conniving maid” talked to my mother. They thought my mother would take their words as gospel, but being suspicious by nature she called them all into the house to face me. Me and Norman just listened as they tried to outdo each other in their “tales”. Norman and I just looked at each other with the expression “Let them talk, we know the truth anyway”.

More talk, more mistake. Slowly their defenses fell apart. Then they started pinpointing at each other. Backstabbing bitch tried to play the role of Pontius Pilate, while the other one was “Judas”.  Me and Norman just have this look of bewilderment on our faces. My mother, in her Spartan Queen stance looked at me with such pity. If I could have read her mind it would have probably said ‘Sorry daughter but your friends are liars and bitches”

That was the day that me and Norman decided to cut our ties with them.

“With friends like them, who needs enemies?” I told my mother that if I survived my operation I do not want her coming to the hospital to visit me. If I die, I don’t want her in my funeral.

Now my husband arrives from abroad, and I am this poor defenseless woman facing the most uncertain battle of her life. What do they do? They feed him with lies while I was about to undergo an operation. Then we have to argue about it three days after my operation. Even getting home we still have to argue about it.

Honestly, they almost succeeded in destroying my marriage. But God is really good; He finally knocked some sense out of my husband. Every day he kept on interrogating people involved in these rumors. Guess what, every day they keep giving him some inconsistent stories. Why should I fear if I had the truth?

“Even worse than a fate worse than death is BETRAYAL.” This explains it all.

Just wanted to share this for three reasons:

1. To warn others out there. You never know who your friend truly is;
2. To get this off my chest and finally be freed from pain;
3. To share my side of the story. I think I have kept silent for so long.

This is one of the lessons that I will never forget. You think you know a person long enough to realize you have been fooled the whole time. It is tragic but enlightening at the same time.

To you A—L--- C-------- G-------, thank you for making me stronger and making me realize that people like you exist in this world. Thank you for being an instrument to test the strength of my marriage and friendships.

 Well, here is a word for you: If you're talking behind my back, you're in a good position to kiss my ass!