The past few weeks have been unbearable that sometimes I think I just want to give up. This may sound like the whining of a pessimist, but I am not really a pessimist by nature. Just tired.
The problems just kept on piling up that it seemed endless. It is like an avalanche waiting to lay waste on the lands below, and destroy everything that is precious.
Most of you know that it has only been three months since I survived an open heart surgery. Instead of things going better, things are spiraling out of control.
First, I had to cut relations with supposed “friends” around the neighborhood. Then I had to endure the rumors that almost cost me my marriage.
As if that was enough, my sister then suffers from an unfair treatment from her boyfriend, leaving the family to shoulder his unfulfilled promises. Then I will also endure an unnecessary problem with our property developer (which I will discuss in detail on my next post)
Today I receive news that my father intends to file a divorce against my mom. Sad? Nope, in fact I saw this coming. For those who know me, there is no point in hiding my mom’s gambling problem. Finally, my father just got tired from all her crap.
Do not get me wrong, I love my mother. I just do not understand why she would pull this kind of a financial stunt when she knows that the family is in financial ruins right now. It does not make any maternal sense.
The family had to put up with her gambling problem for 25 years. 25 effin years! I grew up witnessing fights regarding money lost on gambling, on investments failing because we had to pay off her gambling debt, and death threats from the gambling syndicates and loan sharks because she had to hide the fact that she lost all her money to the freaking casino.
I am not ashamed to post all of these online. As I have said, life is too short for lies. Gone are the days when I was in denial about this problem. Now that it has evolved into something worst, I can no longer ignore that fact that all of our sufferings now are attributable to her gambling problem.
For once I have to accept the fact that I am not in control.
Being the eldest in the family, I have always worried about the future not only for myself, but for my family too. But today I have come to a decision: I am sorry mom, but you are on your own on this one. You caused this problem; you should solve it as well. As much as it hurts, I am on dad’s side. This is really your fault. I AM TIRED OF COMPETING WITH YOUR GAMBLING PROBLEM. I’VE HAD ENOUGH.
So how to survive the unimaginable: accept reality as it is, even if it hurts, face it and stare it straight in the eye, and solve it with the coldness sans the emotion. Replace it with logic, and guess what? Problem solved. You are not blinded by anger, or fooled by love. Just decide for what suits the general interest more. This is what is known as Solomonic Wisdom.
Sounds Machiavellian right? But it works. Especially for someone who cannot afford to have her heart broken. So for now, no blood relations, no relations whatsoever. Just plain logic.
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